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Saturday, September 22, 2001

A Few Days Later

Okay, so maybe I'm taking this a little too far. Since yesterday, it feels as if I'm finally fitting in to this school's society. I'm like a traveler in some strange and foreign land, where I must interact with the natives and befriend them. Their harshness towards me almost caused me to lose my sense of hope, but aside from the despair, I believe I've finally made it out alive. ::sighs:: I had a test on Wednesday for AP History, and I think I do OK... guess what? I'm wrong. I actually had a feeling that I'd do sort of bad.... I ended up getting a damn C on the test. The ironic part was the that the questions I got wrong were the multiple choice ones. Even more surprising was that I got a 9 out of 10 on the essay question at the very end. Nandemo. ::Hybrid's "If I Survive" plays in the background:: I'm on my weekend... wow, you wouldn't believe how glad I was to just get another weekend. This whole entire frickin' week was basically stress, stress, and more stress. Stress over work, stress over life, stress over frienships, events, etc. etc. I also happened to lose my Algebra 2 book on Monday, and the bastard that took it hasn't returned the thing yet. It resulted in me coughing up $51 to give to the school. So how did I lose my Alg. 2 book? It was something incredibly stupid. The day before, I didn't get to finish my Spanish 2 work, so I decided that I'd bust my ass to get it finished during lunch, which is right after my math class. Well, we also had a test in math, so I put my book under the table in one of those storage rack thingys. When the bell rang, I was so desperate to get out that I completely forgot my book was there. It wasn't until the beginning of 6th period that I realized the book was missing. I ran back to the room and looked under the tables, asked the teacher and students, and so on, but no luck. It was gone.

Luckily, I didn't have homework that night, so I was hoping that maybe the book would be returned the next day. Nope, still no sign of it. We did get homework then, and I wasn't about to miss an assignment just because of a stinkin' book, so my mom dragged me to the textbook office and talked to the later, who told us to may a check out to the school for the book. At least I got a book, but I was still incredibly frustrated with my own stupidity at losing such an expensive item. I just hope it turns up soon so that I can get a refund!

Anyway, I'll end that subject for now. Yesterday was the second meeting of our comic club, and this time, positions were finally announced. I got grouped with the illustrators, and all were really experienced in drawing anime/manga-related pictures. The question is, is that the only thing they're experienced in? Ah, I shouldn't have to care, actually. Maybe I'm just jealous..... actually, I was. I've been drawing practically all my life, but my anime/manga drawings never come out looking Japanese enough... but then again, I have to be thankful for that because it means I'm not imitating anyone. Possibly, I've created my own style. Wait, scratch that, I KNOW I've created my own anime/manga style --- I can see it in all my drawings currently. ::yawns::

Hey, so I wonder if any of you have been playing the Toonami Lockdown game? It's actually pretty cool --- much better than last year's "Intruder" considering the levels weren't impossible, plus, the battle sequences are almost RPG-like. The battle system is sort of similar to the one used in Chrono Trigger for SNES where each character has to recover/charge up this power meter in order to attack. You could also shield yourself from enemy attack by pressing the spacebar, which puts up this temporary yellow barrier around you that deflects all attacks. However, once that barrier disappears, you're vulnerable and have to act fast. And today was the last day, or technically, yesterday was. Today marked the final ep. of Lockdown, which I was disappointed with. I mean, it left everyone on this cliffhanger. There were no "thank-yous" to any of the participants who played the game. All we see is TOM and Sara watching a live feed of the final battle where DOKs are kicking robot ass, and when they win, TOM has the DOKs load back to the Absolution, then orders Sara to go into hyperspace. The ship takes off, and the word "fin" appears at the bottom right of the screen. Seriously, there could've been a more conclusive ending, but then again, I bet you anything they'll do this event again next year. I still don't see how it decided the fate of Toonami... all we did was play a giant online game --- there was no direct involvement with the show itself like last year's. Oh well, I guess that's what they wanted.

Right now I still feel this misery within me... and anger --- lots of it. People still can't get over the terrorist attacks, and Bush is making poor deliveries of some really well-written speeches. Moron. Admist that chaos is me. Everyone around me is blurred in a way... I can't decipher the meaning. Last night, I tried to study for a stupid AP History quiz today, but that really didn't happen 'cause I was so wrapped up in all my other work. The thing I found unfair about this quiz was that it wasn't announced until yesterday, and the teacher expected us to have chapters 5 & 6 read all at once on Wednesday. Baka. Well, at least the thing was only worth frickin' 10 points, and I managed to get at least one right. It was absolutely pathetic, but hopefully it won't affect my overall grade. When I went to sleep at 1 a.m. my eyes immediately shut, and I don't know what happened next except for this crazy dream that was tormenting me. I guess I was this officer woman aboard some space station. The funny thing is, that person was me, but didn't look like me and didn't talk like me either. The other part was that I was seeing it from the third person point of view, yet I could see my every move and will being projected through this person. The next oddball thing that happened was that I looked outside and noticed a strange ship trying to land on our docks without identification or signal. I sounded an alarm, but before action could be taken, the place shook, and everything turned to blackness. My entire body suddenly felt accelerated and pushed against something from the pressure. The sensitivity in my eyes was greatly amplified as I could hear the different "layers" of every sound that went off, and feel this power pushing against every part of me. I thought I was going to die or something, as if this ship was an alien ship coming to attack the station. I couldn't move, and I had opened my eyes, being half-awake and half-asleep, wondering if this was reality or a dream since it felt so incredbly real. I kept trying to move. I was actually sweating. I decided to try and move my mouth around 'cause maybe that would work, and I did. I opened it and closed it a few times, almost as if I was chomping down on something. That very action alone snapped me out of my strange trance.

I lay in my bed, wide awake again in the darkness. Everything was silent, and I felt as if I just blasted years into the future to the point where the house I was in was deserted. I didn't want to sit up. The dream affected me so much that it actually made me afraid to look. I was afraid that when I sat up, I would see some entity standing there, in the darkness, without a face but with a form. That whole pressure and numbness feeling running throughout me during the dream felt like I was being experimented upon. I just didn't get it. Finally, I sat up and looked around the room. Nothing was changed, and I finally heard sounds coming from my sister's room --- the black cat. I turned on the lights and stared at the clock: 1:35 a.m. "What is wrong with me?" I asked myself quietly. After sitting still for 5 minutes, I completely collapsed on the pillow and didn't get up again until 5:30 a.m. where I had to try and study a little of AP History. Since then, this dream of mine has not left my mind. There was a meaning behind all of that, and for any of it to actually affect me this much certainly does tell a person something. I need to talk this over with someone I know immediately before I forget. Maybe my brother one of these days. God, the bastard!!! He hasn't called, write, etc. Plus, he still owes me a day out for my b-day, which we never got to truly celebrate. All these promises he makes, yet, never able to fulfill any of them. His excuse is that he's too busy, which may be true, but busy with what? Work? Work does not preoccupy one's time that much to not even allow them to make a simple phone call to family. Ah, screw it, I knew this was going to happen. My sis still owes me a birthday too, but I assume by now she's forgotten considering the fact that she hasn't exactly been home a lot lately.

Well, that just about does it for today's post. I've been trying to relax ever since I got home considering that I've been slaving away over work. And to think, my teachers still bombarded me with even more to do just because they wanted us to have a "busy" weekend. Damn them. Damn them all!!! >.<

posted by Nelmaki Antix at 11:50 PM

Friday, September 21, 2001

Round and Round...

Posted on Tuesday, September 18, 2001

For lack of a better word, I am, as usual, in my ultra depressed mode. Of course I still canít stop listening to the damn terrorist attack... I get this desire to do something even worse so that I donít have to hear about it anymore. Call me heartless, but a tragedyís a tragedy. Life moves on for godís sake. Anyway, Iím all bitter at this moment just because I had to experience an incredibly shitty day at school. I never seem to understand the concept of finding your friends in an overpopulated school during lunch.. I seriously donít. All the people here always have at least one person to hang out with at lunch, except for me. And the results are horrendous. Everyday I eat alone, walk alone, talk alone, and sit alone. I wait outside for half an hour, desperately trying to catch the ring of the school bell telling everyone to get back to class.

Of course I have friends, but even so, are they really? I always seem to be left hanging... the person who blends so perfectly into the background, you canít even notice them. So then itís true. Iím a loser. And I want to stop being one. Iíve been a loser since 6th grade. Nobody wants to talk to me, and too many people here only hang out with others of the same nationality. They even converse in their native language, all of which I cannot understand. Thereís too many Asians (not to be racist... I just want some diversity), too much prejudice, and too much judgment. Most of the girls here heavily enjoy wearing baggy pants, spaghetti strap shirts, baby-Tís, etc, and they also enjoy talking... perhaps too much. Donít get me wrong, talkingís not a bad thing, but it certainly does get annoying when the subjectís either ďcute boys/guysĒ or just gossip on some other girlís relationship. Whatever. The guys are pretty much the same thing, but they try to act like gangsters (they also wear really baggy pants as well) and talk all sorts of slang. If anything, I stand out in this crowd like the sorest of sore thumbs at this school.

I look alright and can act alright, but I canít talk alright. Whyís that? Because the things I talk about are things not related to their ďtypicalĒ subjects, and I donít go around screaming in Korean either about something thatís terribly funny. The subjects I talk about are of a wide range. I know that many of my old school chums probably try to avoid discussion with me... ever since they found out how much I knew about Japanese culture, anime, and manga, it seems that they believe those three are the only things I can discuss. Although true, at the same time, theyíre also off by more than a mile. The reason I mention anime and manga so much is because it seems to be the only thing I can talk about that theyíll actually enjoy. When I was at Otis (and yes, I bring this one up so many times), I could talk A LOT. The other students that I met there could be your typical teen, but they werenít entirely. You could carry conversations with them for well over an hour without any of that threatening ďsilenceĒ that befalls pitiful and pointless conversations. It doesnít happen there. Subjects range to practically everything, from cracking jokes about breast implants, to anime, to art, to life, and to philosophy --- everything. And no one would think youíre weird for that matter. I guess I should save this for an essay topic one of these days, for my autobiography possibly, on how my thoughts and attitude have evolved over the years to release the current product/version of that which is myself. It should prove to be interesting.

Well, now that Iíve gotten all the above out of my system, I still have to say this: I hate my new school. So many here are like anal retentive --- theyíve got their damn heads stuck up their frigginí asses. And itís too overpopulated --- too many Asians, once again, not to be racist, but true, even if Iím Asian as well (not Korean). I probably would be a lot happier if this school district would construct another good high school around the area Ďcause this one is just too much. If they could wipe out half the crowd here, it wouldnít feel so claustrophobic, even if itís out in the open. However, itís obvious this wonít happen any time soon. I simply hate this school to the bitter end. Every night when I hop into my bed, I lay awake for about 10 minutes, maybe even more, and just think the day out, as well as think of what Iím going to do the next day, and the next, and so on. I lay there in the darkness staring at my white ceiling, letting the light from the moon (if there is one) shine through the mini-blinds of my second-story bedroom window. The air is cool, and it calms me down considerably. I lay there awake, wondering if Iíll ever wake up again the moment I fall asleep. I wish I could sleep forever and take myself away from my troubles, my stress, my grief, etc. But to my dismay, Iím knocked out for like a second when suddenly the terrible ring of my alarm clock catches hold of me and violently reels me back from that place which only exists in the human sub-conscious. The darkness of being asleep surrounds me and puts me in a state of peace and tranquility. I feel no fear, no anger, no happiness, no sorrow, and just, simply put, nothing. At this point, itís like Iíve find my solace, but I know itís not. And everytime that stupid alert shatters the dream, I wake up groaning and telling myself, ďhere we go again,Ē hence the title of todayís post. My body aches, my muscles scream out to me to be left alone without any movement, but alas, I have to force them to move.

The morning air is downright chilly, and I wrap myself in the thick fleece jacket crumpled on my beanbag. The sky outside is still as dark as midnight, but it contains this sort of aura in it --- a beautiful glow. I take this moment to reflect and to enjoy the scenery from my window in total silence. I feel at ease, but then remember whatís to be done, and the next moment, my peaceful mood screeches to a halt and goes in reverse, shuffling back to depression and bitterness. I take my time walking downstairs, knowing that my sisterís black cat is silently stalking me. In an instant, I turn around and dash in the direction I face, hearing the loud noise of running headed back to my sisterís room. With that taken care of, I go back down and into the kitchen, where I make a quiet meal and bring it back to my room. Once inside, I shut the door, sit on my bed, pull the covers over my shoulders, and quietly munch without saying a single word. When Iím done, I clean myself up, change out of my PJís, make sure everythingís packed, and then leave with my mom to go to my school. From there, everything either goes uphill or downhill --- there is no in between.

And now tonight, after going through a whole day of shit from lack of friends and the inability to do well in Spanish 2, I have high hopes that when I go under the covers again, that Iíll never wake up from my pleasant dreams --- the place and time where I can run about freely, with people the way I want them to be, and interaction with anything my imagination can conjure up. But best of all, the dream I wish to dream the most would be to spend my life in Japan, or to live in an anime Japan where I am an anime character, where all the people are anime characters, where things out of the ordinary in reality are natural to the anime world. The place where I would be truly happy because all the people there are happy, and because all are knowledgeable and courteous to others. Itís the whole purist of the pure life that everyone wants. But I want it most of all.....if only it could happen in my dreams where I would never wake. This misery and corruption of humanity --- of life itself --- can finally be gone from my system.

posted by Nelmaki Antix at 8:48 PM

Saturday, September 15, 2001

What's Wrong With US?

Lately, I've been reading lots of posts where people are going around insulting one another. Some are Palestinian, and they're receiving accusations. Hell, all the Arabic people are getting it. Personally, I don't think they deserve this, after all, we did stuff to them before, so they have a right to sort of be joyous, although I wish they weren't. However, on the brighter side, some of them are pro-American, and are doing their best to help. Thanks go out to you for your sympathy. And to fellow Americans: drop the hate. There's no reason to start ordering everyone else to "suck American dick," and there's certainly no reason to accuse other countries for not helping us through the crisis. I am extremely ashamed of those who carry on with such an attitude as it is as plain and clear as a beautiful day and clear sky that it WILL NOT solve anything. You are only wasting your time sending out this negative tension, and believe me, no one wants to deal with your bullshit. You want war? Well we're on the verge of starting one. But even if we make it through victorious, as I've said at the clubs, we'll still come home finding the WTC in ruins, the Pentagon with the giant hole, and countless American and foreign lives that you declare will be avenged, but really aren't. They're dead. They won't come back to life. All you've done is kill more innocent bystanders. By supporting the U.S. to go to war, you are only ensuring the destruction of others who needn't be destroyed.

What, so you're going to hate someone online and tell them that you'll kill them?!? What are you going to do, take a gun and point it at your monitor hoping that the bullet goes through to the other side and drills itself into the flesh of a being you don't even know, much less even seeing the person? Absolutely pitiful. I'm an American citizen too, but my views differ from those who claim that they are "true Americans." The true Americans want revenge. Revenge won't do a damn thing. I'm against war, and I will admit right here and right now that I don't feel angst towards the Palestinians anymore; they have a right to be mad at us. However, I do ask that they pray for the people who lost their lives at the very least. They are the ones who had no involvement in the event that caused you to hate America in the first place. I will say this again, war will not solve a thing. Hatred won't solve anything except place more wood on a fire that's already burning with uneasiness. And last but not least, unintelligent conversations made by brainless people who seemed to be considerably misinformed about the subject need to end right now. You are only making the tension worse than ever. If you want to do something, support the Red Cross, donate blood, leave flowers at a memorial, attend vigils, I don't know. Just end this misery that we are all feeling today. I'm out.


posted by Nelmaki Antix at 11:52 AM

Thursday, September 13, 2001


I'm sitting here waiting for something to happen, although I don't know what to expect. Do I expect America to declare World War III? Perhaps. But I hope not. With the terrorist attack already passed for two whole days now, I ask myself why this entire incident hasn't sunk into my head completely. Why am I not distressed like everyone else? Why do I not feel any kind of fear whatsoever? The talk is spreading throughout my school like the common cold --- it's contagious. My life isn't getting easier, and now after witnessing the deaths of so many, I don't know what'll happen next. I know that deep within me, I'm feeling sorrow and remorse for this tragedy. No one at the World Trade Center even had a chance at survival. Hell, some of them jumped out from the windows plummeting to their deaths. And then there's the innocent civilians down below getting crushed by falling debris. The passengers in the two planes involved will never see their loved ones again. Instead, they relay the message through cell phones, many of them calling up family saying the inevitable: "I love you." The Pentagon.... how many made it out of that one? They have miles to run before being able to get out.... and then Pennsylvania. They wanted to kill the President of the United States. An attempt at shattering American pride has been made, but so far, all we've got is a huge dent that we plan on repairing ASAP. I want to cry, but I can't. I just feel extremely depressed. I don't live where they are... I'm all the way over at the other end of the country knowing that all four planes were bound for L.A., just 40 minutes from where I live. All the major entertainment joints shut down from fear of a plane suddenly plunging through a building. It is unspeakable.

As I wake up, I see headlines everywhere regarding the attack --- the worst thing to ever happen in American history. And now citizens are encouraging others to show the world that we're tough and can repair the damage. So sudden that we've got patriotism and unity just like that. Will I participate? I don't know, but even if I did anything, what good will that do? The only thing I can do for the time being is signing my name at the memorial some students created at our school. They're leaving flowers and other little items, paying tribute to those who's lives were cut drastically. ::momentary silence ensues:: That was my time of solitude --- my time to just reflect for a moment's notice in sending out my condolences. The United States is becoming solidarity. If the majority pushes to have a war ensue, then I'm afraid of what the results will be. America walks with the attitude that clearly states "do something to us and we'll kill you." Hell, even that airhead Bush is considering "retribution." If we are on the road to war, then what will the results be? I don't want to witness anymore deaths, and I certainly don't want to live in some apocalyptic world after countries start dropping nuclear bombs on each other.

I get this undescribably terrible feeling running throughout my mind. But then the fear goes aside as that fear becomes anger... the anger towards those celebrating the end of countless lives. The Palestinians. I don't hate them, but I am heavily disappointed in their behavior towards this. Just because a couple of people from our country with authority gave weapons to Israel, the Palestinians decide to hate the entire nation for it. We never did anything to you. If the same incident happened to you guys, believe me, we wouldn't be in jubilation like you currently are. And if you truly think about it, the only thing which separates all of us is really nationality, culture, religion, and skin color. Deep down, we're all one in the same: human. Human beings placed on this planet to live and and coexist peacefully, as well as pursue happiness. But that fatal instinct which is greed took over us all, and thus, hatred arose, causing many complications that eventually led us to the way we are. In truth, we're all really jackasses at heart, but we refuse to admit that. Well I do, but I'm not going to say that I suddenly feel "excused." I've committed sins... hell, a million of them. And because I don't clear my name off the list, does it mean I'm guaranteed to be "damned" to Hell? Whatever, sheesh. Someone go get me a cup of coffee...

In the meantime, I hope no one is misinterpreting my message here. By no means am I challenging authority, religion, the likes. I'm only here stating my opinion. I don't hate anyone.... what I hate is the fact that we sit here debating without really doing anything about it. Great, you found the terrorist leader. Omedetou. But wrong if you think you're going to start bombarding the home country. War is no way to settle things, and neither is hatred towards the other. I sound like a frickin' pacifist right now, but you know what, that's exactly what I feel like being today. Lay/ja ne/nandemo.

posted by Nelmaki Antix at 9:01 PM

Tuesday, September 11, 2001

There Goes My Weekend

*Posted on Sunday, September 9, 2001*

How funny it is that two days of school can feel like eternity when compared to two days of r&r. It sucks. I expected my weekend to go a lot slower, but to my dismay, it sped up and decided to give the old "heave-ho." So right now, I'm 7 minutes away from experiencing Monday all over again. By the time I'm finished with this entry, it'll probably be 10 minutes into Monday. A quick recap of my weekend:

Friday: Eh, didn't do much except get math out of my frickin' way. I also went about calling up a fellow classmate from AP History to see if she was home so that I could fax her this packet thingy. No one was there, so I figured I'd try the next day instead. Basically, it was my day off, well, sort of.

Saturday: I thought that I wouldn't have to do anything school-related, but it turns out that I had no choice but to. With the thought of that 15 page position paper forever looming in my mind ever since the first mentioning of it, I had to go to the library and pick up some books. Unfortunately, my mom was unable to take me. I thought, "oh great, I'm screwed." However, an hour later, she calls and tells me to get ready! What the?!? Okay, well I got dressed and everything. Shortly after I arrived at the library, someone poked me from behind; I turned around and saw my friend Christina (the one I mentioned about in the previous post)!!! It was pretty cool; she was at the library to grab books also on the Salem witch trials. After saying "bye" to her, I finally sat myself down at a computer and searched through the library catalog. I had located two possible books and jotted them down on scrap paper, then taking off to the shelves. When I found the right one and started looking, I realized that the books I jotted down weren't there. Oh great, now I am screwed. But wait, what's this? My eyes shifted left and right as they visually recorded the different American Revolution book titles. I spent about 15 minutes searching the entire shelf when I finally came down to choosing three books, one being an author's interpretation, the second explaining how England lost the colonies, and the third being this over-sized encyclopedia dedicated to the American Revolution. I left satisfied but discouraged because I then realized just how tough it was going to be in order to B.S. an entire paper.

Sunday (Today): Got up at 11 a.m. and received a phone call from my dad saying he was coming over to take me out for lunch and to go to Best Buy. I eagerly hopped out of my bed and ate a small breakfast, got dressed, and waited while doing stuff online. Finally, he showed up and we left to have some great Korean B.B.Q. Right when we were about to leave the restaurant, I caught sight of a familiar face. It turned out to be one of my friends, so we talked for about 5 minutes before leaving for good. 5 minutes later, we pulled into the parking lot of the nearby Best Buy. Why am I here, you ask? My dad's getting me a digital camera as a b-day gift! Yeah, we never got around to it, and he asked me months ago what I wanted, so I told him, but I never expected him to be serious! But it happened anyway, and I'm eternally grateful. The camera's this really slick Kodak --- I believe the model number was 3900 or something like that, with 3.1 megapixel and optical zoom. I can't wait to use it, but for now, I should worry about school. I also got a new set of headphones (the ones that wrap behind your head and hang over your ears) and bought myself the Sept. issue of Wired magazine since the feature articles were on technological Japan; it looked interesting anyway. Half an hour later, I was dropped back off at my house. I gave my dad a big hug and said goodbye to him. As I stepped through the front door, my mood immediately switched to depression as I knew that this marked the time to get down to the nitty-gritty. I had a test to prepare for, and I'm not going to fail it by all means. Since then, I've been doing nothing but studying, taking an occasional nap in between. However, about 2 hours later, my mom was talking about driving up to Roland Heights (city in CA) to buy the ever-so-popular tapioca drinks. As we strolled toward the restaurant selling them, I noticed a small shop-stand open directly next to it. There were a couple of people there eyeing the products on display. I've seen this place many times before, but I never knew what they sold. When I got closer, it came to my attention that the products were anime DVDs, except they weren't domestic. They were Chinese editions, but every one of them had accurate English subtitles, and the video quality was top-notch.

My mom gave me 10 minutes to look around as she and the lady running the place were busy chatting. Next, I was rendered speechless when I saw that they carried the Escaflowne movie there! Yes, that's right, I'm talking about Escaflowne: A Girl in Gaia baby!!! Problem is, I wasn't sure if this was pirated or not. The lady said that it was an official Chinese licensed release, but I didn't really believe her. She then took the DVD out of the case and played it to show me. It looked alright, and the thing only cost $15 --- in fact, all the single DVDs cost that price, so it was a bargain. I couldn't exactly make up my mind, so I gave myself about two minutes to consider as I watched the elegant anime piece displaying the furious fight scene between Van and the crew members of this flying warship. It turns out, I said, "hell, why not?" I walked away happily since I knew that I would be the envy of all my friends; the official domestic release of the Escaflowne movie doesn't even come out until late 2002!!! However, the more I examined it, the more I started thinking that I'd been had. There weren't any special features on this DVD, the printing on the box was a little unclear, and there was the Anime Cartoon logo imprinted on the disc itself, with contact information directly below it that had a e-mail address. Something most definitely wasn't right. Finally, I concluded that I had bought a pirated DVD. If so, then why did the lady tell me it was official? Well, think about it: if she said that it was pirated, she'd be risking herself because any one of us consumers could report her to the authorities. I decided to drop the issue and keep the DVD for the time being. I'm actually happy with the purchase since nothing's different about it. On the other hand, I'm going to wait for the official release of the movie to make a final decision as to whether of not I want to keep this pirate.... well, what I mean is that I will, but I may want to also purchase the official release 'cause the purchase will support the company that produced it (Sunrise) and all the people who worked on it. Besides, it's bound to have extras, and I'm an "extras" freak when it comes down to DVDs!!! I would still consider it a worthwhile buy, but my mom doesn't think so. Ah nandemo, she never does anyway, so who cares. Alrighty, I have to get my butt out of here now and hit the sack. There's a test waiting to be challenged, so I need to be in top shape if I want to succeed. Wish me luck, ja ne.

posted by Nelmaki Antix at 12:33 AM

Friday, September 07, 2001

The Glories of Surviving School

I'm shocked, amused, and stressed. Yes, three things rolled into one. I'm happy to announce that this week has gone a lot better than the last; my arrival to school is not as tormenting, and I'm making some friends from all my classes (well, 4 classes out of 6). However, the homework load hasn't changed. Just two days ago, I had another freakin' nervous breakdown 'cause I went on a rampage, and my stress-o-meter skyrocketed through the roof! Eventually, I got over it, but it doesn't change the fact that I am struggling. Just yesterday, my history teacher informed us of a 15 page position paper on any of 64 topics before the 1800s would be due on a Monday in December --- three months from now. I'm extremely tense about this, as the success of the paper can lower or increase my grade by a full letter. It's scary because I'm already doing bad enough in this class. What next, I'm going to drop to a D??? I've heard from various sources that my teacher is the hardest AP US History teacher on campus, and it's no surprise to me really. After scanning the list of available topics, I came down to choosing #44: Who was responsible for the American Revolution: Great Britain or America? Was the Revolution radical or conservatism? You may think, "oh easy, it's the American Revolution... shouldn't be that hard anyway." WRONG!!!! Absolutely wrong by all means! When you happen to think about it, writing 15 pages worth of genuine B.S. is a brutal task. I have to use AT LEAST (notice how I stressed that) 10 different sources, 5 of which can be electronic should I choose to do so. My teacher also expects us to propose 10 questions on a separate sheet of paper that we will attempt to answer within the paper. Just wonderful. I have to go to the library tomorrow now since by next Thursday, I've got to have at least 3-5 pages worth of notes.

Shit. Yep, that's all I can say about it. Wait a minute, lets add on a "Holy" just before the word. Holy shit. There we go. Algebra 2 isn't letting me have my way since the bitchy teacher scolds us everyday and assigns a ludicrious amount of math homework that's due the next day. Spanish 2 is so-so, but now I desperately want to switch teachers. Here we are sitting in class allowing her to spew a plethora of foreign words at us that no one understands, not to mention, she also doesn't bother translating. She doesn't teach, that's the point. Journalism seems to be going alright, but at a slow and steady pace. Today, we were placed into groups, each one having its own team leader or "editor." The problem with this is that the choice of positions is based upon quiz results. I admit, I didn't do very well with the first two quizzes. I can't help it, really; when you're busy doing all your other work, you don't have time to read a damn paper and know every detail of the story! Anyway, continuing on, my boss is this Sophomore girl that I don't like too much. She's the kind of fake person most normal people will come to hate. A circular-shape-headed girl with a little samurai ponytail on the back, with gigantic eyes like that of female anime characters, and a tiny mouth that squeaks when it talks. Whenever she speaks, it's always so frickin' quiet and high-pitched. And so.. so... girly!!! Aaaaaahhh!!! Some of you may think that I'm holding a kind of bias against her, but I don't... well, maybe a little. I don't hate her, but I just dislike the way she acts in front of people. She's the two-sided kind of person who'll treat close friends in the most "angelic" manner possible, but then we unfortunate ones who aren't as familiar with her get to see the true side. And to think, I'm a Junior being bossed by a Sophomore! Nah, that's actually not the big deal, however, after today's ordeal, I feel that she is unsuitable for the job of a team leader. She's disorganized and can't make decisions too well without consulting her "friends." If anyone should be leader, it should be me. Shameless plug? You bet! She wasn't sure how to divide the first task among the group members, but I did, and refused to tell her because I just wanted to see how up to the job she was. As gleeful and overjoyed she is that she's team leader, she just plain sucks. Oh, and when she tells you to do something and you try to question it, she acts like you're retarded. That's nice ain't it?

I truly hope someone other than me realizes that she's a terrible leader.... although I can complain and say she's not doing her job, I don't believe that I alone could convince the teacher to do something about it. We'll just have to wait and see. In the meantime, today was the second day of Club Rush, the one event during lunch where clubs try to recruit new members. Yesterday, I didn't see any club I was interested in, and lost all hope of joining a club where I could find others like myself. But, I was pleasantly surprised today as I walked into the "quad" to find a club called the "Hodoo Comic Club," where I wondered to myself what this was. I read "Hodoo" on the list outside one of the classrooms the day before, but I thought it was just something weird. After approaching the table, my eyes immediately adverted it's gaze from the sign on the table to the spectacular manga drawings displayed upon the surface. I had absolutely no idea that this was a manga-related club! My second reaction was happyment as I noticed that all the club officers were people I knew from my classes!!! And one of them happened to be one of my elementary school buds, who I haven't seen in over 5 years now! I was shocked to find out that she recognized me, and it was so great because I didn't know she loved anime/manga! Not only that, but she wants to do something related to anime and/or manga as a career, particularly an animator (she went to an animation school, much like how I went to Otis for the month of July), and attend Art Center as a college --- the same exact college I dream of going to. If that isn't ironic enough, I discovered that she hasn't gone to an SAT tutor either! Practically everyone at my school has gone to an SAT tutor school by now; they make it seem like the end of the world. I don't see how people can be so obsessed with a test. Okay, so it's important, but at the same time, taking all this time to study your ass off isn't the best thing during your last few years of enjoying high school life. As much as I hate it, I know I'll have to go through it too eventually.

Anyway, I told my friend that we should keep in contact because who knows, maybe we'll work together in the future, one being a graphic designer and the other an animator. It'd be a bliss for me, and an honor too. I look forward to the years ahead of me and the dream of college life --- freespirited/carfree, living on your own, and best of all, no parents to stalk and spy on you late at night.

posted by Nelmaki Antix at 8:34 PM

Monday, September 03, 2001

Make Way for Adult Swim

Amazing, I'm rather impressed with the block so far! Although I only caught segments of The Brak Show, Space Ghost Coast to Coast, and an episode of Cowboy Bebop, I must say, CN finally did something right. Although I'm skeptical about the thought that kids will stay away from the adult-oriented block, I still think it's suitable anyway. I don't care if I hear "damn" or "ass" mentioned in the show. Neither do the kids. All you have to do is take them to a PG-13 movie, and they'll get a plethora of cuss and swear words. Joy! The more suprising element was the discovery that CN didn't edit out those old geezers in Bebop! Yeah, they cussed. The one wearing that hat with the butt-ugly nose yelled "son of a bitch!" It was certainly a pleasant suprise to me. I sat through the whole episode in an attempt to see how much they cut out. To tell you the truth, not much, really. I know "shit" got turned to "damn," but even regular TV doesn't say "shit," so I do commend CN on that part. I'm also really happy with the airing of the new Space Ghost Coast to Coast episodes... that show makes me laugh all the time. Too bad SG punched the monitor with Bjork in it... ha ha, she was his wife! And then there was Thom Yorke of Radiohead... he looked like he was high at the time since he acted so damn weird. Either that or he was stoned, but don't they mean the same thing? Wait, I think "stoned" is worse than "high." Yeah, that's it, I guess. Man, I'm too hyper at this time.... I had a grande-sized iced cafť latte from Starbucks earlier, and now I'm loaded with caffeine. Think about it, two large cups of Coke added with some strong coffee... damn. I need water. Lots of it.

Right now, I'm in the midst of trying to finish up my bakana AP American History homework. The teacher's an ass, plain and simple. It's the first weekend of school, and already I'm loaded with work from that class and other classes. At least this high school's kind of fun, and I'm finally getting to hang out with friends almost everyday. In fact, I got a call from them, which surprised me A LOT. Usually I'm the one to call them and ask if they want to do something. I never once got invited to do something with them. This is a good start, considering that they're all people I haven't seen in over 5 years. I've known all of them for over 10 years too. Yes, that's right, I grew up with them in elementary school, and damn proud of it. To be able to re-establish a relationship with people you haven't seen or talked to in over 10 years is a great accomplishment. Usually, when most people are apart for that long, attempting salvation for a long-lost relationship never seems to work out. Could I actually be the first in years to break the barrier? Maybe. Just maybe. Unless someone else has accomplished the same feat just recently.... ::sighs and chuckles:: Sometimes I loathe life, but other times, I simply love it for what it's for: to live (I think I'll make that a quote of mine).

P.S. I saw American Pie 2 today. I've never seen American Pie 1, but all I know about both movies are that they're digusting. Really. It wasn't too bad at first, but the whole "sex joke" thing got a little redundant... okay, it was way over redundant. About every 5 seconds, I wanted to propell myself at the big screen in hopes that I would be able to get a grip around that pipe which connected Stifler's (is that how you spell the moron's name?) frickin' head to his damn body. Yes, I wanted his moronic neck. I wanted to sink all ten of my fingers into that soft flesh and shake the baka til' his head detached from that lump everyone called a "body." His acting was.... terrible. They always have to throw in some comedian to cover up the stupidity of a movie. It's always old. Stifler needed to die. To tell you the truth, this movie's a no-brainer. Absolutely no plot whatsoever. I guess it's good to watch during Sunday hangovers. You don't have to think. The only objective of watching this would be to stay awake for as long as possible. One moment, it could be serious, but the next, it just goes nowhere.

::sighs:: My friends and I were also busy laughing at this idiot sitting in the row in front of us. He laughed at all the jokes, and I meant ALL the jokes. He laughed so damn hard that he made himself look retarded to everyone else. Reminds me of a grown man trying to hack up a hairball or something... ¨_¨ "I'm the Stif-miester!!!" *Aha ha ha ha hack hack hack hack cough ha ha ha ha hack!!!!!!!!!!* Lay, I'm out.

posted by Nelmaki Antix at 1:11 AM

Sunday, September 02, 2001

Wow, What an Improvement!!!

*Note* This entry was written on Friday, August 31, 2001

I strolled back to school today being incredibly skeptical. Before going to sleep, I had a nervous breakdown. I was so emotionally unstable at the moment that I didn't know what to do anymore, so I broke down. While crying and slamming my fist on the table, I was trembling heavily at the same time. So here I am being a cocky a-hole arriving at school, and right when I walk into English class, we get an assignment to do. We got to read this story by Kate Chopin who emphasized a lot about feminist movement. The story was simply called "Story of an Hour," and it was about a lady named Mrs. Mallard who just lost her husband in an accident. Meant as an ironic tale, you would least expect the lady to suddenly be happy of her "freedom" because she wouldn't have to live for anyone anymore. Although short, I found it incredibly interesting, so now our homework is to simply answer some questions, mostly regarding our thoughts and personal comments on the story and the symbolic nature of it. We also have to include this little drawing, which is easy for me since I know what I want to do.

AP U.S. History was boring again, but at least we didn't have to have stupid discussions. The teacher was mostly going around giving a lecture on all the different elements that made up the "what and why we study history" topic. We wrote down the assignment on board, and now I have a crapload to do over Labor Day weekend. I have to read chapters 1 and 2 of my fat larger-than-an-encyclopedia textbook, and type up two prongs for every key term: 1) the definition of the term, and 2) the significance of that term in relation to the chapter. It should be okay, but hopefully I'll be able to stay awake while reading. Later, I discovered Journalism to not be so bad. I had to distribute the recently published "August 31, 2001" issue today to some of the classrooms. For the rest of the period, we all got the read the paper and that was it.

posted by Nelmaki Antix at 4:28 PM

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