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Saturday, December 29, 2001

Merry "Late as Hell" Christmas

Although 4 days ago, I hope everyone enjoyed their Christmas. As for me, well, it didn't go so well. I did nothing. My house doesn't even have a frickin' tree to display for god's sake. Why? My sister's dumb black cat is the main reason why. With paw prints and a pee stain on the green carpetry, my mom and I were leaning towards the "no" side of putting up a tree, despite the fact that I really wish we had. There is, to say in the least, absolutely no holiday spirit in this household. None. And now, just like that, it's all over... again. I went and saw Lord of the Rings just two days before. Now, before I begin, I will say that I understand if any of you out there are going to want to beat the shit out of me for what I'm about to say, but..... it SUCKED!!! ::breathes sigh of relief:: I was so amazed that I was able to survive 3 hours watching that film. But why --- why did it start to suck??? The beginning was SO good, and had me captivated and mesmerized in its aesthetic fantasy world. As the story continued, it just went downhill from there. Unfamiliar places, vague information on key figures, and the pathetic drama moments, as well as the occasional pointless bird's-eye-view of the surrounding scenery, got annoying. My nerves began to twitch. Harry Potter was better. In fact, I want to buy the movie. ^_^ But back to the main subject. The scenes changed way too often, presenting the characters in one spot for a moment, and then suddenly at the peak of some mountaintop. Excuse me, but could somebody explain where they are, or where they're headed to? What was the mission again?

As a movie critic who has never even read the book in her life, that is where Lord of the Rings fails to meet. Those who have never read the book are going to be utterly confused, disappointed, and most likely, disgusted to the point of not wanting to see the second half, whenever that one comes out. If you were intending on making the movie just so those who read the book would love it, then you would not be making very much money at all. There are more people in the world who have not read the book than the ones that have. You wanna make a movie aimed towards the fans, then don't make a movie at all. Besides, I'm sure the book is better anyway, right? End of point.

In the meantime, the very next day, I went over to my friend's house, and we had an anime marathon. We watched the entire Please Save My Earth OVA series (excellent show. Too bad the ending was a bit rushed), the first VHS volume of Trigun, and then some of the Tenchi Muyo! OVAS. PSME alone took 3 hours of our time, plus, another 2 hours for Trigun had us pretty exhausted. Later, we had Korean food (yummy!), then watched Tenchi. By the time I left, it was around 9:30 p.m. It was a lot of fun watching the shows, but unfortunately... I caught a sickness from my friend! The next two days, I noticed that my nose became uncontrollably stuffy to the point where I had to breathe out of my mouth. Then I noticed my throat was a bit sore, and my voice sort of raspy. That's when I realized where the sickness came from... my friend was coughing the day before, and the germs must've gotten into me. So now I sit here in misery with a clogged nose trying to type while making efforts to breathe. Oh yes, and let's not forget that I have about a week left of vacation. I hate school. This right now feels so good, despite the fact that I'm doing nothing. I'm not even working on this site, as I promised earlier. I'm so ashamed of myself, but at the same time, I can't help it. I earned myself a well-deserved break, and that's what I'm trying to do --- rest.

By the time I fully recover, I'll be back stressing in the classrooms again with lame teachers who I can't even stand. Hopefully my Chem teacher will be back. I feel sorry for him because his best friend, who was also a fellow teacher at the school, died from a disease. It was announced all day on the Friday when the students were let out. It was sad, I know. I only hope my Chem teacher will be able to recover. Ah, well, that's the report for now. Oh wait, I never did mention what I got for Christmas.... Well, I didn't get everything I wanted, which is A-OK, but here's what I got: 1) a portable fountain (I love this thing!), 2) a Giant Robot Magazine tee with Bruce Lee in shades spinning the turntables (hilarious shirt... I love this too!), 3) a new CD Walkman (I needed this badly), 4) and lots of cash! (this is always good... then you can go out and buy whatever you want). So it was a pretty good Christmas... problem is, all of these gifts were opened before the 25!!!! Aaaaahh!!!! I broke the tradition, I broke the tradition!!!!!!!!! >.< Well, what can I say? The people who gave me the stuff insisted that I opened them while they were there to see if I liked it, so, that's what I did. I happened to open two things on the 25 that I got from my friends at school: 1) Winnie the Pooh black gloves (I needed gloves... thank you!), 2) a wooden Christmas ornament!!! (ornaments are always cool for me... I love collectible items of all kinds. The ornament hangs on my door handle right now since there is no tree).

So there ya' have it. I should get going now since it is becoming pretty late over where I am. Ja ne! Happy New Year, btw!!!!!!! ^_-

posted by Nelmaki Antix at 11:22 PM

Thursday, December 20, 2001

Was Today Friday?

Today just seems like the end of the week. All my Thursdays feel like Fridays, and I don't know why. Another club meeting took place this week, and I, like always was unable to work on my manga this entire week! Luckily, I did bring an old sample with me to show the president, who suggested to me to try more "complicated" techniques regarding my jumbo-sized, two-box columns. Although I was already well-informed about it, it felt like I had just been insulted. She also went as far as telling me that the proportions of the character were a little incorrect, then said that she was planning on holding drawing classes that would help those with "basic" drawing. Gee, thanks a lot. I know the proportions of my character are wrong. In fact, I knew that right after I inked it and said "damn." But it was already too late, so I just let it pass. The first few pages of this manga, which I now have changed the title to Yume no Aoi (Dreams of Blue), were intended for experimental purposes. Until I stabilize the repetitive drawing of the characters, it's going to be messy. Besides, the art area of a comic never has to be drop-dead gorgeous in order for it to be enjoyable. For example, Tracy Ellen's site, Gundam Wing: Art of Self Destruction has an online doujinshi entitled There's Something About Heero, a hilarious Gundam Wing parody of the movie There's Something About Mary.

Though incredibly rough pen drawings on the backs of 3X5 notecards, Tracy's little manga has an incredible amount of life to it. The rough scribbling of all the drawings brings out the character of the story, and is actually likeable. I, for one, heavily love that online manga, and wish that she would have the time to continue it, but that's what happens when you work for a company. So, back to my point, I think the the club pres. expects us all to have the same drawing styles. What I don't get is why you would want to put together an anthology of manga if all the artwork looked the same? Aren't anthologies supposed to contain variety? ::sighs:: Well, I didn't argue with her. I simply kept silent. But seriously, it was an insult. Now I see why my friend resigned as vice-president. The pres. expects too much out of us. No other illustrators in the club need help with drawing. But oh no, I do just because my anatomy is a little out of proportion. Big fucking deal. The only reason you would hurl these comments at me is just because my style isn't like yours. I have my own style. I don't want to try imitating other artists like everyone else does. What I draw isn't manga-style --- it's the Antix style..... Antix manga. We'll put it that way.

Besides, I heard from my friend (the resigned vice pres.) that the pres. isn't really good either. At the art school they attend, she informed me that the pres. was the worst artist in the class, and that all her characters resembled zombies. Ha ha. At least that made me feel better. The odd part of this is that we both think we suck, but then praise each other. "No you don't! You don't suck at all!!! Your stuff is good... you can DRAW." That's what we always tell each other, but when it comes down to self-reflection, we're always contracdicting ourselves. Now I feel better. I'm handling my own layout and dialogue bubbles... in the professional way. They are just drawing on pieces of paper with jagged boxes, in rough pencil sketches. All I can say is that I'm going to show them how good this manga will be. And like always, this is another experience to incorporate into the realistic storyline. BTW, I watched Whisper of the Heart, an anime film from Studio Ghibli, about a junior high school girl named Shizuko who enjoys reading. She often spends time at the public library a lot, as well as her school library. One day, she notices the name of a guy on the check-out-card, and all the books she checks out has his name on the cards, just before she borrowed the book. She is then determined to get to the bottom of the situation by finding out who has been reading more than she has.

Eventually, she stumbles upon the guy, a fellow student at her school, but unfortunately, she is unaware of it. Making fun of her, the guy rides off on his bike, and Shizuko is left walking back home, repeatedly shouting "jerk" the entire way back. As the storyline progresses, we get an accurate portrayl of modern-day Japan, and it's absolutely gorgeous. This film, like My Neighbor Totoro, presents to the viewer the innocence that is childhood. Dreams, friends, and happiness are the only things pre-teens have to worry about, unlike the high schoolers of today. The ending, of course, is really sweet, and leaves a lasting impression on the viewer. It gives us the nostalgic sense of the longing for the perfect guy to marry in life... watch and you'll see what I mean. After watching the viewer and practically thinking about it for the rest of the day, I realized how similar that story was to Yume no Aoi. I was surprised at first, but then accepted the fact without hesitation. Kei Yamazaki, the Japanese-American girl on a one-year exchange program in Japan, meets Touya Rintaru (the last name was inspired by the director who worked on the latest Sony Films release, Metropolis.... yes, I changed the two characters' names a little bit due to dissatisfaction with the previous ones), a Japanese guy in his junior year, just like Kei.

Meeting at a local coffee shop, the two become close friends, and sort of develop a relationship like the one depicted in Whisper of the Heart. The relationship itself is nothing dramatic, but the whole appeal of it will get to you. What's really dramatic is the stress and depression that Kei suffers through at her new school. Old friends whom she meet when they came to America forget about her existense, as they tend to conversate with her and then forget the next moment. Teachers who bitch at her totally piss her off, as well as the homework load. With no one around to listen and understand her angst, Kei has no one to turn to. Touya, who has experienced similar situations in the past is always there to comfort her, and lends a helping hand whenever he can. Heh, that's all I'll reveal about the story for now. I seriously need to work on it during Winter Break. God I am excited! Just wait, you people at Sunny Hills High School..... I'm going to beat some sense into you.

posted by Nelmaki Antix at 10:08 PM

Sunday, December 16, 2001


I'm drifting off these days, in the sense that I hardly have the motivation to continue moving forward. As a student who has been attending this new high school for nearly 4 months now, it feels like I've been here for all eternity. I've gone through practically every aspect of emotion, from happiness to sorrow, to bitterness. I've experienced chaos, and I've experienced what it's like to be a loner. Then I sit in classrooms for 6 hours 5 days a week, staring and spacing out during lectures, wondering what it is that I strive for. My goal in life is to make a good living, do graphic design or whatever I feel like, and just be happy. It doesn't matter to me if I find someone to share my life with or not. I don't even know why I'm saying this. There are just too many questions within my mind, and in fact, it happens to all people. Questioning was given to us as a privilege and right --- there is no sin in doing so.

As I sit in my stiff chair typing this all out, my mind can only go as far... these thoughts have been occupying me for the last couple of days, and were still present even last night at the birthday party I attended. Laying on the floor of my friend's house curled up in a sleeping bag, I laid awake and stared at the ceiling. Images projected all around me, and I wasn't sure if I was awake anymore. In the sudden event of darkness surrounding me and clouding my mind, I woke up the next instant to see the rays of the sun flood through the windows and straight into my eyes. As soon as I had closed my eyes during the night, here I was awake again. Programmed was I, to take on yet another day in the typical teenager's life: stress, moodswings, procrastination, school, homework, friends. And so, like all the other great thinkers and philosophers out there, I must ask the same question: what motivates us to do what we do? Why did we invent capitalism, democracy, religion (don't even try throwing flames at me. I am not biased against religion).... hell, rules even??? Who made them, and why?

Of course, obviously the answers to such questions are always the same --- the usual "because this world needed order," etc. etc. etc. I just can't help but wonder all the time about things like this. I feel like I'm messing my life up from being too absorbed by it, but then again, maybe I'm not. As a person who's spent most of her life looking for an alternative to the everyday ho-hum, it seems that our present time has just simply warped. Do people care anymore about the things around them? Is life always the repetitive go-to-work-make-money-come-back-home agenda? I look at a red sky and see figures in the clouds. I see other people who glance at the sky for only a nano-second, then adverting their gaze to focus on "themselves." Cold shouldered emptiness. So now, this world we live on --- this home we dwell upon --- has been reduced to a background image suitable for a computer's desktop wallpaper. Why am I not surprised? This may be the reason why so many often say that "life just passes by" in a snap. The inevitable "death" factor has probably influenced us our entire lives. Satan was here from the beginning of time, maybe even before God. And maybe, just maybe, Satan created God as an opponent to counteract himself. I don't know why I mentioned that.. really.

It's the most peculiar thought of all thoughts. Death, is neither a good nor a bad thing --- it happens, and then it's over. Satan/Lucifer/Devil, ruler of the underworld/hell/etc. is one responsible for death, though not out of natural causes. Would it be safe to say that we really have been influenced by him? Once again, the insatiable hunger for answers overtakes me. Like I said before, I am not biased against religion, after all, this is merely a statement --- an opinion that is neither true nor false until proven one or the other. Knowledge is a killer, and so is the truth. Humans will, eventually, kill themselves off, just as portrayed in so many movies. We shall, as they say, bring about our own destruction. Something is bound to happen. Whether it is good or not remains unknown. An "unknown" factor.

So now I will be walking into a classroom tomorrow feeling tired and sore. I will be placing myself in a chair, attached to a desk, and silently watch and listen to my teacher. Again, I will grow weary of the talk, and wish that I could get right to the action. Again, I wish that I were somewhere else other than there. Again, I strive to embark upon an adventure. Again, I feel the desire to strike down a teacher through exploitation in the school paper. Again, I want my very existence to be ripped to shreds. Again, I move on with my life and forget everything...

posted by Nelmaki Antix at 11:53 PM

Thursday, December 06, 2001

Status: Missing 5 Pages

It's currently 3:01 a.m. right now. I managed to add, after sorting out my notes and figuring the order of information, 5 pages to my already existing 6. I now have 11 pages, and I'm missing about 5 (five because I need more illustrations... better illustrations). I can't exactly type anything else right now because I don't have any of my book sources with me. I need to head over to a library tomorrow to re-checkout those same books I used and scan in the pictures (or make copies at $0.05 each) for the paper. I also need to go back and fix all my previous pages. I'm so tired right now. This caffeine held out much longer than I thought, and I'm finally finding myself diverting my attention away from the paper and checking out sites selling Nintendo Gamecube(!). Right now, despite the fact that I'm still missing 4 pages, I don't really give much of a fuck about this report being turned in tomorrow. The original plan was to turn in what we had so far, then turn in the final version. As always, Mr. History screws us all over. Believe me when I say that I am not the only student in his class who had only 4 pages completed at the time of today's announcement.

Moving on, I now have to print all my papers out, staple them together, put it all away in my backpack, clean up my bed and desk, brush my teeth, go to the bathroom, and just-plain sleep my stress, hunger, and chillness away (I'm freezing my ass off sitting at this computer). Once Dec. 10 hits, this HUGE burden will be lifted right off my shoulders, and I will have to have some kind of big celebration. Unfortunately, if I choose to stay in this AP class (which I most likely will anyway since I can't switch teachers), I have to yet write up another 15 page paper. At least the topics will be referring to more modern topics, so maybe I'll finally have fun with some stupid school project. Seriously, school bites the dust. I'm falling asleep in Algebra 2, can hardly keep my eyes open in 1st period English 3, really want to sleep in 2nd period History, really wish Journalism wouldn't be so boring, and wish Spanish 2 would be more effective (this class sucks as well. I'm not improving --- I'm DEproving).

Sleep..... it sounds so good. When winter vacation hits, I will be frickin' sleeping in everyday to make up for all the lost sleep during the school days. Damn school. Damn high school. Fuck education right now... the system's already messed up as it is. It seems people are doing better without the education. All I know is that anyone attending my school has drastically cut short their life span (not to be rude), and I'm not kidding. Lack of sleep, stress, relationships, etc. will all be held accountable when one of these days, we'll end up in the hospital feeling incredibly weak and discovering that we developed cancer from these problems. Yeah, cancer. I already know I'm going to get it anyway with all the damn stress I have going in my complicated life. ::sighs::

posted by Nelmaki Antix at 3:14 AM

Wednesday, December 05, 2001

My History Teacher Must Be Satan in Disguise

Today is officially suicide night. I've got 6 pages of a research report done. I have 9 more to go in order to turn the entire cursed thing in tomorrow. Sound nice? Hell no!!! My APUSH teacher didn't even mention this until TODAY. Let me repeat that: TODAY!!!!!! What the fuck?!? This thing was supposed to be due Dec. 10 (Monday), and now he writes that I have to have fucking 15 FINISHED pages tomorrow! Then, on Monday, I have to turn in the COMPLETED version, al la carte, with a cherry on top. Okay, so what I just said was awkward, but I seriously don't give a damn 'cause now I'm in deep shit. Well, that's all I can type for now since it's 8:40 p.m., and I'll probably end up snoozing on my desktop to wake up the next morning with only 5 pages added. Go me.
posted by Nelmaki Antix at 8:41 PM

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