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Wednesday, March 27, 2002

Update On My Current Situtation

As Huck Finn would say, "I see I was up in a stump." Or something like that. Argh, so my partner and I didn't go up in front of my English class to do our presentation, but I'm actually quite relieved that we didn't do it today. After last night's painful ordeal of trying to finish a messy disorganized outline to hand in to my teacher, we both felt so unprepared that we would be the laughing stock of the class had we gone up there today. So tonight, I practiced my speech about 20 times, and am still going to practice until I stop making stutters and mistakes. ^_^' We're going to be the first to present tomorrow morning (Thursday) due to the fact that we need to set up the overhead projector and all that before class, so might as well right? ::sighs:: My history project is also due tomorrow, and my partner for this project started on her part today because she's been so time-consumed this past week. She's a busy person, and I understand that. She was so stressed when I talked to her over the phone, but alas, there was very little that I could do except tell her to hold on for another day. After that, she can relax all that she wants, since there is no school on Friday for us. However, this doesn't mean we're on Spring Break just yet. No, our Spring Break starts April 6 --- isn't that pathetic???

Winter Break started incredibly late as well. Remember when I complained about how it started on Christmas Eve? Oh jeez that was terrible! But at least I could laugh at everyone else since they went back to school during my Winter Break. ^_^ Everyone except my sister of course. College students get it so easy... my sis didn't return to her school until mid-January.

Oh, I forgot to mention that my printer ran out of ink yesterday. I ended up sending Word documents over to one of my web-based e-mail addresses to download to the school's computer in order to print them out this morning. We need to get some more black ink bad, but knowing similar situations like this one, we probably won't get the ink until about two weeks from now. Sometimes I hate being a procrastinator. Ah, well I actually shouldn't be talking right now since I'm not really finished with my homework yet. I have to send some more Word documents over to my e-mail address, so now's the time to say good-bye. Most likely I'll post again tomorrow when I get back from school.

posted by Nelmaki Antix at 11:50 PM

Tuesday, March 26, 2002

Oi, Presentation to Give Top O' the Mornin'

Okay, then again, maybe not. My partner working with me on this dumb English presentation wants us to present on Thursday. However, knowing that's the case, the majority of the Juniors in my class will want to go Thursday. Personally, I want to go tomorrow (Wednesday) just to get it over with, whether or not I get a good score. I don't care. If I don't get rid of this damn project tomorrow, I'll be stressing over several other things, mainly, my AP History test and project, and other homework for my classes. Our topic is on Mark Twain's humor, but it seems that the info my partner sent me pertains more to his influence/thoughts on society rather than his style of humor. Also, the very fact that we've hardly collaborated --- except at the library --- only makes the situation THAT much worse. Yes, we haven't practiced. Yes, we've done our work. No, this partnership wasn't my idea. In fact, I was originally going to do it myself, but my partner asked if I wanted to work with her. Thinking that this could be of some fun (I haven't worked with partner-generated projects for the longest time), I said, "okay, sure," and had no idea what I was about to get myself into.

One thing's for certain when it comes down to working with partners: make sure you find someone that you REALLY know and can truly find the time to work with. Why do I say this? Well, you may find a good partner, like mine for example, but then discover how badly your schedules differ. My partner is a study-holic and participates in a lot of weird academic programs at my school. She rarely finds free time, and if she does, she usually spends it studying or something related to cramming. Usually, my schedule is VERY flexible, but not with this project. It's due tomorrow. I just called her house, but she's not in right now. What the hell am I supposed to do?!? I'm sitting here worrying to death about what to do. I'm almost too afraid to start writing my speech because what if she goes against it? In the end, no one will be happy. I'm about ready to say "fuck it" and risk losing 100 points on this assignment. But deep inside, I know that I don't want to drop it. I've come too far to suddenly quit, and I'm not a quitter (except in my pursuit of pro tennis when I discovered how hard it was to BE successful and STAY successful --- a totally unsteady lifestyle that I was not willing to put up with). So right now I'm in a stump... and waiting for my partner to get home so that I can talk to her and figure this chaos out. God I hate school, but I don't hate it nearly as much as I do phony people, a.k.a. the fakers. ::shudders:: I always get an urge to strangle the life outta them. ^_^'

Oh, so last night I went on over to Quiz Your Friends and wrote up this 10 question multiple-choice quiz to send to a bunch of people I knew. It's really funny. I mean, so far, I've only received two e-mails from the site telling me that two people have taken it. I viewed the scores and nearly fell out of my chair laughing. I guess people don't really know me as well as they think. One of my friends got 4 out of 10 right, while the other only got 3. It was quite a shocker, but at the same time, I was surprised to discover that they answered some of the really tough questions right. I have this bizarre question regarding a dream I had once when I was an exchange student in Japan. I entered the classroom late and sat down --- the class session was pretty short. The scene shifts, and I see my teacher talking to some other teacher. The other lady points out the window and says "Look over there!" excitedly. My teacher walks to the window and only stares wide-eyed at the scenery down below. I then see myself walking alongside another Japanese classmate. We're headed towards the city at the bottom of the colossal hill we're on. The grass field is waving much like the Great Plains here in the States, and they are sparkling. However, there's something different about this grass field: it's transparent and reflecting something. You could still make out that it's grass 'cause parts of its green hue still shows through, but, the most dominant image projected across their surface was...

The sky. One of my friends actually picked this answer and got it right! Wow, and the funny part was, I never told her about the dream! She also got my favorite ALL-TIME anime movie correct, which is, undoubtedly, Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind. I had an early exposure to Miyazaki's stuff, when my grandma gave me this VHS boxed-set of 8 Studio Ghibli movies, most of them Miyazaki. The funny part was, it was dubbed --- in Taiwanese. I got pretty good at my Taiwanese because of it too, but what annoyed me was the fact that the company doing the dub kept on using the same voice actors/actresses for either the female or male protagonist. But after a while, you do kind of get used to it. My mom often complains that the Taiwanese they use in the dialogue is too formal and old fashioned, which drives her absolutely crazy.

posted by Nelmaki Antix at 7:59 PM

Saturday, March 23, 2002

Still Sick... Surviving 4 Hours of SAT Hell..... Weekend Daze

Technically it's Saturday. Saturning EARLY morning, as in 12:30 a.m. I'm up, and trying to download DirectX 8 from Microsoft just so I can operate the newest ZSNES emulator release to play some late-night roms. How pathetic am I? Lately I've had this major obsession with Kirby Super Star a SNES game released in 1995 or 1996. It's SO MUCH FUN, and has great replay value. I don't think I'll ever get enough of this game. In fact, I do own it on cartridge, but ever since I handed the SNES over to my bro, I haven't been able to play it. Ah yes, nostalgia sure is great. Anyway, I borrowed my mom's car earlier today to drive myself to my damn SAT tutoring session... I had to make up 4 hours just because I wasn't there last week from the Catalina Island trip. I'm still in shock that I managed to endure all 4 hours of that class. It was boring as hell, and I wanted to just bail on several occassions when the instructor wasn't there. Oh well, it's over with now, and I do have a weekend to finally semi-enjoy.

Tomorrow I have to meet my partner from English 3 at the public library to start working on my goddamn Mark Twain presentation that will be given this upcoming Wednesday (March 27). I REALLY don't want to do it, but it's worth a shit load of points, so it's a mandatory assignment. At least it'll be over with soon. Oh, and on Sunday, I have to meet my partner from AP American History to begin working on the measely 50 pt. project for "that" class, if it's even a class. Seriously, I don't think you can ever get enough of that perverted teacher. He seems to shock you with something new each day. Two weeks ago, I discovered a book on his shelf that was sort of hidden, entitled The Dictionary of Sexually Correct (I forgot the word here) and Dating Guide Ew.

So anyway, after I got back from SAT tutoring today, I tried to turn on the computer. Problem: it wouldn't load Windows ME. I rebooted about 5 times before deciding to shove the recovery disc into my CD-ROM drive. When the program started going, I completely forgot whether or not I chose to reformat my hard drive or not. I was fuckin' praying that I didn't choose to reformat... if that happened, I would cry all night long. Luckily, I did push the right button, so all my files are, in fact, intact. Thank you thank you thank you thank you. I'm so relieved. ^_^' So right now I'm just re-downloading some stuff back onto my computer. Waiting for this damn DirectX program to finish will take a pretty long time... I'm only 27% done, and I'll probably end up waiting for another hour and a half.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that my bro's coming down tomorrow evening.... he and his gf went away to Key West (lucky bastards, argh!) for about a week on vacation, so they left their cat Asterik here with us. Asterik's a kick-ass cat, but she's been getting on both my mom and sister's nerves lately, and is now starting to get on mine (she makes abortive attempts to get into my room by any means possible). Also, she and Pepper, my sister's annoying black cat, keep on fighting, and it becomes a pain in the ass to monitor the two fiesty felines. Thankfully Asterik's going home tomorrow.... oh, and my bro, mom, and I will probably see Ice Age at night. Anything else? Well, before my bro arrives, I might find some spare time to make a quick run to Suncoast and buy a DVD copy of Jin-Roh, which is something I've been dying to see ever since I read the review in Animerica. God, I'm beginning to notice that my English today is all jumbly and ugly to read... I guess this is what caffeine and late-night stake-outs do to you. ::sighs::

posted by Nelmaki Antix at 12:43 AM

Wednesday, March 20, 2002

I'm Sick.... *hack, cough, wheeze, choke*

Remember how a couple of days ago I wrote that angry Blog entry? Well, actually it's down below, but nonetheless.... whoops, that was about a week ago, not a few days, mind you. Anyway, so I left for Catalina Island on Friday, and it was all great, until I wound up getting sick as hell there. I arrived the first day already slightly coughing, and it wasn't too bad, until that sickness became amplified by the cold boat ride, the freezing night hike, and the spine-chilling 2 minute shower I took at 9:30 p.m. Not the most pleasant way to start off the first day, but at least I was okay, right? Wrong. I woke up the next morning at around 6:50 a.m. coughing like mad, then discovered that I had a headache. We would be going snorkeling at 10 a.m., so I thought, "okay, this will help take my mind off of my condition." Unfortunately, the snorkel turned out pretty bad. Not only was I freezing in the wetsuit, but my mask and snorkel wouldn't stop leaking water! I got so tired from re-surfacing to dump out the liquid that eventually I just quit and floated on a boogie board one of the nearby chaperones provided. My trip went pretty downhill from that. I had to skip out the night dive (dammit!), and my throat was throbbing with pain. It hurt to even breathe!!! >.<

::sighs:: Well I can't really describe what I did on the trip in great detail, but all that I can say is that it was definitely fun. Yes, it sucked to be sick, and yes, it sucked even more to not be able to go on all three snorkel dives, but at least I've got next year to plan ahead on. But anyway, aside from my terrible condition, I survived it, and had a ton of fun.

Next subject: I ended up skipping a day of school (that would be yesterday, Tuesday) because my sickness turned out to be a high fever!!! Oh wait, that's not really much of a change of subject now is it???

posted by Nelmaki Antix at 4:50 PM

Saturday, March 09, 2002

Someone Please Whack Me With a Sledgehammer

I'm not feeling good at all right now... and no, this isn't physically. My mom's giving me problems --- in fact, she's giving everyone in this damn family problems. I never realized how much a divorce over 5 years ago could affect her now. She thinks that my brother, sister, and myself are ungrateful for all she's done. In the past 2 years, she's been involved in a company with a friend of hers, but things haven't really been picking up. My bro, sis, and I don't believe the company's going anywhere... too many things have been happening in the past, and my mom's losing money without even realizing it. On countless occasions, we would have talks with her and try to tell her to get a grip on reality and quit while ahead. Unfortunately, she just refuses... she thinks we're all out to get her or something, and keeps claiming that in the future when she's successful, we're all going to regret it. So now, we're like her worst enemies. I've never met anyone in my entire life who was as stubborn as her. My eyes are watered, but I'm trying my hardest to not shed a tear. I can't go on with this, but there's no way I can put an end to it. For the past two years, we've moved to many places, and I've always gone everywhere with my mom. I've had to witness this misery for the longest time now, and I hate it. I curse it every day of my life and hope that things really will get better. I've had wishes where I was dead, and now that I think about it, maybe this is the major reason why I've been living as a depressed person. This so-called "friend" of hers continues to borrow money from my mom, and makes empty promises to pay her back, but naturally, she doesn't keep to her word. I'm depressed, and I just have this strong desire to disappear and not exist anymore.

These days, I hate getting into fights with my mom, 'cause it's just too depressing. We can't even eat at places that we used to love eating at because we're so damn short on cash. I hate it. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And now my mom is making blind threats that once I'm in college, she's just going to abandon us all and go disappear and do her own thing. She also kept making statements that her job was to just raise us..... my god, she acts like we don't even care when we do. But because of the fact that we're unable to change her mind, of course we're going to be pissed as hell at her when she continues making mistakes!!! And yet, she claims that we're ungrateful.

Usually, most people have a hard time to say that they hate their parents because it's unconditional love. You never have the guts to say it and really mean it. But I know I do. I hate my mom. Badly. I truly do. This life can't go on anymore... Fuck. Now I'm crying. When I do make it into college, I seriously think that I'm going to cut off all communication with my family. This is absolutely too much. I don't want to talk to my mom anymore. Never ever again. I can't take it. I only have to wait for another year until this happens. I can wait, but deep down inside, I can't. I want to find someone to love and run off with this person to somewhere distant, where we can both live in eternal happiness. Dumb aspirations --- that's what I am. I'm full of them, and they never seem to come true for me. My life is already fucked up as hell, and this situation is only making me pray that I get cancer and die at an early age. Yes, this is how depressed I am, and yet, no one else I know realizes this.

I don't know what to do for myself anymore. I'm even ashamed that I'm a part of this family. I have a wonderful brother and sister, and I used to have a wonderful mom and dad, but they went their separate ways, and the after-effects still hurt me badly. My mom had also said that she hated us. Fine, whatever. Good, 'cause I hate you back, you stupid bitch who cares more about a damn company than her own offspring. Fuck you. Go to hell or something. I'm done with you, and you are, as what many say, "so 5 minutes ago." ::laughs:: I'm so pissed right now that I can't even type this damn Blog entry right!!! Can you believe me?!? I'm using imperfect tenses and improper grammar... ha ha... it's hilarious. Ah, well look at the time... it's 1:21 p.m. I have about an hour to go before I have to leave for my fucking SAT math tutoring class. Yes, two more hours of my life wasted. Don't you just love counting down the days til' you meet your end?

posted by Nelmaki Antix at 1:23 PM

Monday, March 04, 2002

Something's Not Right...

I tried to open FrontPage 98 a couple days ago to update my first site, K-Bug Anime, only to find that somehow the FrontPage server thingy was missing, and that my computer was busy looking for it. I guess that site won't be updated for a while, unless I go into Adobe GoLive and make some temporary page, which I don't have the time to do. Well, and lookie here, it's March. Big fat-assed whoopey-doo. I'm jumping with joy... really, well, deep down inside I am. My exterior is weak. There have been weird things going around here, both good and bad. First of all, I got my Walt Whitman essay returned today in 1st period and discovered that I received a perfect 100% on it --- the best essay I've written all year it seems. My teacher even wrote the comment that it was "college-level" work, which really surprised me. But then the day went down from there: in 5th, my teacher posted out the current grades, and my grade dropped another letter. It started off with an A, then declined to a B, and now it's taken a dive to a C. As for Algebra 2, I'm still maintaining a steady B, which is better than getting a C, in my opinion. Besides, math is more important at this point than foreign language, although I would prefer doing good at both. Looks like I'll be studying more often these days, aside from the damn SAT bullshit I have to put up with. SAT I is only 2 months away, and it's scaring the crap outta me.

Aside from my usual stress with school, I've been counting down the days until March 15, when I get to skip a day of school to go on a 3-day trip to Catalina Island with people from my Chem class and the school's Science club. My Chem teacher will be leading the trip, and it includes snorkeling during the day and night, hiking, bonfires, marine biology institutes, star gazing, bunk beds, etc. I'm so excited... in fact, I'll take any excuse to get out of this damn house. I will be sure to take a ton of photos, but my digital camera isn't going to be coming with me. It's just too risky, and there have been thefts before. Oh yeah, and speaking of this trip, there was a meeting during lunch last Friday, and this one punk-wannabe loser shows up at like the last minute before the bell's about to ring. He holds a Jack-In-the-Box bag in his hands, along with a medium-sized drink. His fair is frizzy and going all over the place... he's blond, and caucasian. His eyes are shielded by black sunglasses.

He walks through the door, and for a moment, a group of people, myself included, look up and stare for about a second before going back to focusing on my teacher. He walks down the aisle of desks where I'm located, and says in a "I'm cool and popular" voice, "what the fuck you lookin' at?" My left eyebrow twitches and raises. I ignore the remark, but my blood starts to boil, and I have an urge to turn my head and start beating the guy out of his misery. Surprisingly, he chooses to "isolate" himself by sitting 2 desks behind me, sipping his damn drink and acting like we should all worship him. The moron is caught in his own dumb world... an ego trip, I might say. It's people like him who motivate me to hate the popular and phonies. Sometimes popularity is nice, actually, but most of the time, it's a bitch, and I have a desire to kill it by all means. Die, die die!!! >.<

Okay, now on to the web-related stuff: I know I haven't been updating this site much... it drives me crazy. I'm desperately hoping to get some more and new material up over the summer. The Layers Documents will need some re-writing. After watching Lain for a second time around, I understand the show a whole lot better, and can now go back and revise my earlier written material interpreting the series. Also, I might change this Blogger thing of mine to LiveJournal instead. Both are popular, but Blog seems more of a professional/commercial thing rather than personal. I read some LiveJournals today, and they seem to convey a better "tone" to me, as in, I'm able to personalize LiveJournal to my standards without too much HTML coding hassle. I like Blogger, but it's time for a change, though when this change will happen still remains the topic at hand. I really don't know, but I do know that it's something I want to do.

Life-related stuff: I've been downloading MP3's like a madwoman. I've downloaded Hybrid remixes, LTJ Bukem, X Japan, Future Sound of London, Cowboy Bebop, Noir, Jazzanova, and Nelly Furtado. It's a surprise for me to enjoy Nelly's music, because I'm not much of a mainstream Pop lover. In fact, I loathe mainstream Pop and Rock. I usually prefer unsigned artists or those who aren't as popular as the rest. Nelly is an exception... she's got a unique style and a very distinctive voice. Her music isn't the typical mass-produced Britney Spears/N'Sync/Backstreet Boys/Christina Aguilera/J'Lo crap... she writes her own lyrics, plays instruments herself, and blends Pop and Hip-Hop (I read in her bio that she once had a Trip-Hop band! ^_^). Oh, and the lyrics aren't the usually "love story" B.S. played on the radio... there's a meaning behind all her songs, and they're all incredibly catchy. Let's not forget that she can both freestyle sing and sing freakin' fast!!! My god, she's so energetic! And funny!!! Nelly has a great sense of humor, and that positive vibe she emits is definitely influential. I'm happy that she won the Grammy --- she truly deserved it. No one saw Britney win a Grammy, or N'Sync, or any of those "unoriginals." Maybe music is evolving again, but I might also be wrong. Hopefully I'm not, 'cause if there are more artists out there in the Pop genre like Nelly, then for sure the music as a whole will be taken to a new level. Must-haves on my list: "Turn Off the Lights" and "Shit on the Radio" (this is a funny one... kind of makes fun of mainstream Pop crap on the radio, but is more of a personal issue about self-respect).

Well, that just about wraps up my current events. But before I go, I'll mention something else that I forgot to say: on the 22 of last month, I paid a visit back to my old school during Coffee House night and had this sort of reunion with some of my friends and close teachers, especially my web design teacher, who I missed very much. Unfortunately he had to leave 'cause his son had a b-day party that evening also. It was fantastic, and I'm happy that I got to see everyone again. Aside from that, I took this weird online test about 20 minutes ago about the kind of drug I would be. The first time around, I turned out to be Heroin, but then the second time around, I was more honest with my answers, so now I'm Ecstasy. I'll have to post that badge on my page one of these days. It's a crackup.

posted by Nelmaki Antix at 10:34 PM

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